“Hey, are you alright? You've got that weird look in you eyes again. Tam?”
You wince after you vaguely process that somebody in the conversation said your name. From the tone of their voice, it was definetly a question. You weren't paying attention at all. You look up at their face, pausing for a few moments to process your recent sensory memories and recall what they asked. You're sure everybody is looking at you funny. They can all tell there's something wrong. It's written all over your face the you know something they don't.
‘Oh, I'm... Uh, I'm fine.’
Tell them the truth. Tell them what's wrong. You can feel the walls closing in.
No I don't.
Stop deluding yourself, Tam. You know there's something terribly terribly wrong. Why would you keep staring at nothing like that with those soulless eyes if everything was fine?
Because you keep distracting me. Stop talking and let me focus.
But look, it's already been twenty more seconds. They're all looking at you, judging you. They can see that look in your eye, you heard it from-
“You sure...? You look really out of it. More than usual.”
Tell them. Tell them that they need to get out of there as soon as possible, no matter where they go. You need something badly to make you better.
‘I'm FUCKING FINE!’
“Jeez, Tam! You don't have to yell like that!”
‘Sorry, I... I wasn't talking to...’
You trail off. Of course you do. What were you gonna say, you were talking to somebody else? No, you're not. You didn't mean to say that out loud. You're not talking to anyone. You're trying to figure out what's wrong, because you're not okay. That's all you're doing, sitting there like that. See how they're looking at you? That's all your fault.
Shut the fuck UP! I'm just trying to think!
But you are thinking. Who do you think you're talking to? You're thinking right now, that's all. I'm not talking to you, I'm telling you what you feel, what you know; something is wrong. You can feel it. Something is terribly, terribly wrong. Tell them what it is!
Nothing! Nothing is FUCKING wrong! I'm perfectly fucking fine, nothing can or will happen to me!
You don't really believe that though. You keep thinking about it.
Stop telling me what to do!
You think that something is wrong.
No I don't!